Assuming An Ally Must Be Gay

I read a post on Facebook supporting the marriage of two men. Someone commented that while he supported gay marriage, it was time to “stop making such a fuss”. So I wrote, “To respectfully respond, we can ‘stop making such a fuss’ when all 50 states endorse and support Marriage Equality.” The too-much-fuss-person posted another comment saying that “heterosexuals” don’t make a production about being straight, and the rest of us should follow suit.

I was struck by an underlying assumption in his second comment – that anyone who “makes a fuss” in support of Marriage Equality must be gay.

I wrote about this assumption in an earlier blog post called “Speak Gay With Pride”. The piece discusses the derogatory expression “It’s So Gay”, which I’ve heard from some of my children’s friends. I always stopped the conversation, and explained why I don’t allow that expression in my home. Most were polite, but puzzled that I cared. Some assumed I must be gay.

I stepped back from the Facebook exchange because there seemed no point in continuing. Maybe I was wrong. Would the person have given more thought to the issue if I had announced my straight-ness? Did I miss the chance to help someone become a stronger ally?

I don’t have the answer. Maybe there is no answer. But I’ll never stop trying to figure it out.


Novels by Amy Kaufman Burk

Hollywood High: Achieve The Honorable

Caroline Black, 15 years old, leaves her college prep academy for the local public high school, which opens her world. Written in reaction to witnessing gay students bullied in high school.


Caroline Black, a rookie psychology intern, goes through one year of training, working with her first patient – a young man who is stormy, seductive, complex and troubled. Written in support of healthy sex and sexuality, in support of lesbian and gay parents, and as a voice against the stigma of therapy.

Amy’s Author Page On Amazon








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